Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You are the jesus of drinking
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
