Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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