i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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