its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
