I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
