I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
