im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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