Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
