The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
