my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
