SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
