I met the friendliest cop last night
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
