I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
