Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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