I think my fart just growled at me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
