I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
