She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
