I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
