im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
