Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
