I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
