Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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