Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
