I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
