it wasn't lemon gatorade
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
