i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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