i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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