you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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