do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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