Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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