she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
