I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
