mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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