I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
