yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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