Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
