Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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