I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
