i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
