When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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