The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
