that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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