dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
