I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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