We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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