I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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