Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
