Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
