2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
