i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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