I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If I die, sorry about rent.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
