I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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