i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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