i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
