i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
