i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
