She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
