I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
