remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
