I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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