drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
